Category: Writers Block
"Hey Billy put that on no12 Sacrament of Love" the crowd cleared a space they respected him now and couldn't wait to see him dance,they also realised there was very little he wouldn't do if given the chance. They held each other as the piano began and faded to a long keyboard note as the song burst in to life,they danced close then Dougie spun his chair around as if he'd been born to it, Anja danced away and her long fair hair looked like solid light {such beauty and she wants me completely!} His face hurt from smiling. When he'd danced to this with Jenny they had been so intimate and loving thinking of that seemed pointless now Anja was here, she treated the chair both as an extention of him and as if it didn't exist he spun it in a tight circle and to the rhythm, the cheering climbers had no idea a paraplegic could move with such energy, Anja sat on his knee and he held her as they kissed and listened to the emotive words "I know our sacred dream wont fail in the sanctuary tender and sooo frail, the sacrament of love the sacrament of warmth is true the sacrament is you" he no longer cared if he never reached An Teallach,or if Jenny never called he was scarcely able to recall her, or how this affair had begun.
The song ended far too quickly and after kissing Dougie with unaffected passion,Anja asked Billy to repeat it she went to Garry who grabbed a quick drink and asked Dougie for permission he nodded while breathing hard and downing a cold pint then reversed out of their way, previously this would have depressed him but seeing Anja dance with such love for life and the music made him feel as though nothing was impossible.Garry was having the time of his life and fortunately he was up to the job, they whirled around the room to cheers and applause Dougie hadn't heard this only the beat of his own heart "go on yoursel that man!" watching his friend dance was like seeing his turn on video he imagined every step and enjoyed them all. Anja's skin was glowing with a thin film of sweat which added to her sex appeal she was stunning but seemed naively unaware of such natural physical beauty, no one could believe their luck at being in the company of someone like her.
"Ohh man thank you my head's spinnin" Garry kissed Anja and held her he was reluctant to let her go "you dance so well both of you" she picked up her pint and eased her thirst as Dougie lit up "I worry about you with that smoking so dangerous" he turned the cigarette over in his hand and stubbed it out in an ashtray "for you darlin I'm givin up an this man il hold me to it" "ok hand them over every last 1" Garry was determined to win this as Dougie had tried to stop and failed 3 times he took the cigarettes and tossed them in the fire "and if anyone helps him out, or even thinks about it, their in big trouble" Dougie smiled and caught him out again "Ok Olaf that Viking blood's going to your head"
They groaned and ordered more ale "just think how much better you'll feel without the dreaded weed and how much faster you'll be on court" he was pushing his luck and feeling brave "really it's never affected me an eh I'm fast enough dont you think" Garry swallowed his ale and disagreed "not as fast as you could be I've heard these chairs can reach 40mph downhill or is that an exaggeration" Dougie really needed a cigarette and his friend was fully aware of it "40 hmm your man didn't say right enough he probably noticed my craving for speed"
Garry was beaten yet again your man had got the upper hand or so he thought "ahh but I've heard you can be done for speedin that il be why he forgot to mention it he's not daft" this went on for a several minutes until Dougie went to enquire about dinner he was starving and saving his energy for later on he hoped to make love to Anja,{exactly how is another thing altogether hmm I hope she's got a fertile imagination}
Billy gave him a menu and nearly put his foot in it "sure that was some dancing pal did they teach you that in rehab" he read the menu and made a choice then Billy's remark registered "hmm what? No they did not! I learned that myself,in rehab they teach you to survive, to live with bein paralysed,we had no need for bloody dancin!" His voice was full of anger and the difficulties and frustrations, of those painful 6 months Dougie thought for a minute or 2 then apologised "I'm sorry man how would you know hmm a friend taught me he'd been in a chair for 5 years an you learn all the tricks in that time"
"If you want I'll teach you in spite of what you think it's not too hard..sure your man here can do it like a real crip" Garry smiled and leaned nonchalantly against the bar "I'd lessons from Fred Astaire here before his misfortune when Ginger got a bit carried away with her sledgehammer" Dougie warned him with a glance but Garry's confidence was boosted by Anja he knew she would back him up "It's quite easy once you get over the initial weirdness any eejit can do it and there are few more frightenin sights than a drunken bloodthirsty Viking in a chair with a gleamin battleaxe above his head" Billy considered and reconsidered his offer then "Anja darlin get Hagar the Horrible a pint and keep him out of trouble I dont want any demonstrations".
She laughed at his analogy and handed Garry the cold pint he'd just finished 1 but to say no well.."Aye he drinks like that character..hey blondie d'you come up here to misbehave away from the missus" he choked on a good sip of delicious Harp and Dougie hovered nearby waiting to take advantage of the situation "aw man would you look at this prize numpty an he's no even involved..smart fecker" the hurt in his eyes was unavoidable Dougie averted them but Anja still felt his pain she had seen it too often "she was not good for you no I would be what's wrong doesn't matter to me I only see a handsome man" he wanted to thank her but his gratitude and suspicion wouldn't allow that it was rare that a woman complimented him and on these occasions he saw Jenny and heard her similar promise *I love you all of you we will make a go of this" Dougie struggled to compose himself and drank too quickly Anja put her arms around him she whispered "you are more of a man than many I know with such courage and cheek"
he let out a deep breath and asked the big question that so many had been unable to answer "Will you let me make love to you...I don't know how but.." she smiled and kissed away his worry "of course I've a few ideas" .
"I thought you might" his charming smile returned Anja seemed to accept him with her, there were no strings or implications just pure love they moved to the back of the bar and talked Dougie felt the need to explain thought he didn't know why "most run like sprinters at the thought a havin sex wi me they think how? An their off think of all that talent goin to waste" she took his hand squeezing his right leg "why do that hmm when there's nothing" no one had asked him this they'd been unsure of how to phrase it or how to disguise their patronising tone "hmm suppose I'm hopin for a miracle eh?" He held her hand it was warm sensual and he loved the smell of her skin "that some day I'll feel somethin an eventually walk but the muscles are wastin an its a race against 10-15 years so don't bet on me winnin" Anja leaned forward and kissed him "I bet all my money on you"
"so there's no pressure eh your no expectin results soon" she reacted with a wry smile and her blue eyes caught the light from the outside lamps "man If I was blind I'd be really pissed off you are beautiful" in a moment of brave abandon Dougie revealed a dream he kept private for fear of ridicule and rejection "would you ever think of livin in Ireland on the west coast somewhere" Anja's eyes widened as she tried to picture Ireland's wild and rugged west coast "ah yes if with you yes yes it's like Sweden or Scotland many hills we could climb..." her hand flew to her mouth but the words were out and scarring his heart he'd been afraid of this "but eh I'd tell you all about it darlin so you wouldn't need to go an risk bein stuck in 1 of these"
"Everything is risky yes life is 1 big risk every day" Dougie was dying for a cigarette and his eyes constantly strayed to the 1/2 smoked butt in the ashtray "hmm you mean wi me bein wi me" he was on edge after her 1st mistake and all too eager to find fault with her opinions "no not with you Dougie I could have left yes but I said yes to sex does that not mean anything" he asked for a match and struck it on the side of his chair warm choking smoke sped down his throat and he drank to ease the cough "ohhh heaven do you think bein wi me il work hmm what about tonight .when I cant...that the big problem..an eh I'm.... we've other problems down there to consider" Dougie was ashamed and trying to push her away Anja realised this and made a commitment then tore it to shreds "I wont leave we were told about this with Andre and men they are so occupied with their dicks" he read the expression in her vibrant blue eyes and turned the chair around "you've had your fun how many other guys in my position have been decieved eh! Your just like her scared ae gettin involved, scared a bein a carer instead ae a lover, but your really terrified ae the thought a cleanin me up after I've pissed mysel!"
A shocked silence hung over the bar as the climbers stared at Dougie only Garry knew how to handle this as his friend headed for the front door and wiped away the 1st few tears of frustrated disappointment he offered him a full cigarette "Here I tossed an empty in the fire these are too f.ckin expensive" he opened the packet and lit one up Dougie's hands were shaking and still he wanted Anja's kiss and her embrace to dissolve the dreadful fear of living alone and unwanted.Andy came forward to help and Garry told him straight "it's ok I've got him and Not a word right it happens what did you expect" the big climber was unmoved he didn't seem awkward or disgusted just concerned and eager to do what he could "pal...how's.....the snow eh?" "It's stopped I think we might chance it" "now you know eh" Andy held out his hand as before and said with conviction "listen man we admire you just coming here takes guts and eh I'd like us to become friends and I don't play games its too destructive".
He took the outstretched hand and a long draw of the ciggie "aw man what have I done eh naebody il want a bar a me now" Andy disagreed "I don't see the problem isn't it a fact of life with paralysis" Dougie reached for a pint then remembered his outburst "talkin a which.... I'll... be back..... in a minute" Garry joined him and slung an arm around his shoulders the connotations could go to hell. "Cheers pal I owe you so much man" Garry smiled and brushed off his friend's humiliation "I've cancelled your debt so you can call off that march" Anja tried to speak with them but Dougie hurried past but not without a last glance in it he said goodbye and in his eyes she saw all the long weeks of anguish and recovery during this emotionally charged 6 months Garry had dreaded the day when Dougie would ask for his help with the 1 thing he refused to be a part of,now with his heart in shreds that nightmare was coming closer.
"Help me to stand I'm sick of sittin" Dougie lifted his legs and braced himself for the struggle Garry hated being coerced and stood back "no your legs cant take the strain and watchin you tenaciously clingin to your old life is bloody hard pal I wish you'd accept that its over!" Dougie sat back in defeat he was sore and tired of fighting to be normal, he was also frightened of losing touch with the remnants of his former self "I'm sorry man but you need to hear things from my side right..you got all the support and christ I don't grudge it, but where's the help for me and your family hmm or even Jenny,we have f.ck all!" Garry paced around and stopped for drink of cold water "I'm movin back to Ireland and eh I'll make sure to cut the ball and chain"
Garry stared out at Orion striding across a dark diamond studded sky "I wish you'd stop runnin yourself down it's unnecessary" Dougie finished up and gaged his friend's expression it was now or never "remember you asked about my weight loss an fatigue" "hmm hmmm? he splashed cool water on his face and ignored those brown eyes "It was sudden but you we'ern't looking after yourself" Dougie glanced at Garry and forced himself to speak it was now or never "eh I went to the Doc's an he did all these tests the fecker pricked me like a pin cushion..it turns out I've got cancer he said 50/50" the words went through Garry like a knife
{its beyond cruel that he should have to suffer any more!} "What!How long havy you known and why didn't you tell me" he faced Dougie and held his eyes they were both close to breaking down "you had enough on your plate I couldn't" Garry put a hand on his left leg and moved it
"Bullshit! You told me about this" somehow his friend found the courage to joke "only cause the Doc had laryngitis"
He took a minute to let the news sink in but the words echoed around his head and scared him to death "stay there..please! Stay there...I.." Garry reeled in to the bar ashen faced and stunned there had been signs but which he'd chosen to ignore {what a f.ckin eejit!} Andy went to his side but Garry barely acknowledged him "hey man... what's up with you is everything ok" he was torn and worried Billy came to the rescue and poured a double whisky and Garry drank it in 1 he took him aside "christ man what's going on you look like death" the word reverberated along with the others he couldn't think straight but did hold up the glass,Billy poured another and waited "is your man in trouble that revelation hmm?" Anja came over she'd heard every word and her touch was comforting but it made him feel two faced "he's eh I can't we'll handle after all I coped with his paraplegia right,so this il be a stroll......." he stopped mid sentence as Dougie appeared and asked her to leave, then he showed tremendous courage by wheeling over and admitting the news to Billy and Andy.
"F.ck! That's...man I'm sorry where is it" Garry hadn't been able to ask he'd feared the answer "eh at least I wont feel the pain its meant to be feckin awful".
Anja wanted to hold him and apologise but she was unable to get in when he gave her brief eye contact he put on a pair of dark sunglasses and lifted a pint "cheers guys I'm ok now eh sorry man now might be a good time to call in the debt" they smiled at his nerve and Billy couldn't comprehend what came next "I think as I've shown you lazy feckers how to dance we should have a ceildh eh but no before we've eaten or Olaf il be throwin up again an I'm no sittin here naked" a handful of the climbers thought he'd been kidding to seek attention and a ripple of unease circulated among them "he got over that quick is he on medication or something" Dougie tried to catch their eyes but since his last shock they weren't keen "ah well you can just watch an learn Anja are you dancin" she walked towards him with guilty tears in her eyes.
"I'm sorry Dougie" her hand was held out and he reached for her touch in spite of their differences he needed her right now he reversed to see past her as if looking for someone "I thought maybe aw never mind..so are we talkin darlin" she ran those sensual fingers through his short dark hair and he didn't need any conformation "yes we always will I hate to see such hurt in your eyes" as he held her she went to sit on his knee but hesitated for too long "oi its ok treat me like any other guy ok no that I am your lookin at a celebrity here...I can't go 3 turns a the wheel without bein recognised" Garry had pulled himself together and he was back on form "yeah mostly by the police eh you bloody hooligan"
John wandered in he'd gone for a lie down and was unaware of the hostility towards the disabled Irishman "alright pal I'm hungry what's up" he caught Garry's pale strained expression and Anja's eyes damp with tears "tell me it's not an accident hmm? Who the hell would be stupid enough" Dougie took a long draw and collected his thoughts {Garry's reaction was no surprise but this guy's another matter Christ I just came up here to say goodbye no ae cause trouble} "ok pal come here eh we'er havina ceilidh an as there's only 1 woman you'll need ae double up big Andy's game" John shook his head with a disbelieving smile and read between the lines I dont appreciate that crap pal she's been cryin and your man's had a shock so tell me" he backed away from his need to know and drank a good mouthful ".......ahhh ....typical feckin climber no subtlety what so ever ..I've..." suddenly he felt unable to continue as an internal alarm bell went off he listened closely for the 1st time "you dont need to know an I'm starvin".
Billy brought over the menus and 4 pints Anja winked and gave a sly smile she whispered to Dougie "I'll look after you ok don't worry" he locked his eyes on the ground and the wheels of his chair, everywhere there were reminders of his former life climbers pictures of mountains An Teallach glowing bright red on a perfect winter sunrise,and Liathach The Grey 1 huge and intimidating under a thick blanket of snow he felt deep grief as the images and memories they created swam before his moistening eyes "so can you dance Scottish yes I learn at School our teacher was from Edinburgh very funny lady to understand her was so hard" Garry studied his friends eyes and decided to chance it "he'll have to as the Irish is definately out" Dougie picked something from the menu and called his bluff "ah now it might not be see with electro-muscular stimulation I might well give old Flately a run for his money".
"So with this electro stimulation you can stand and so on... how does that feel" he stubbed out the cigarette and watched the smoke die "eh weird because I still have no sensation but to be 6ft 3 again is a rush but eh my head spin's as your equilibrium gets used to bein down here instead a up there.." discussing his rehab with these guys who were still practically strangers unnerved Dougie a bit he wanted to ask "do I disgust you am I only an object of pity" John smiled and he saw a hope that the impossible might become tangible "can you walk with this how does it work" Dougie went back to the day when he had taken his 1st uncoordinated steps as the electricity fired up his lifeless muscles he'd always wanted more than it was safe to give him "I...I can yes hmm for a little while but hmm it's feckin hard work an the effect only lasts for a short time".
"Anyway can we talk about somethin else hmm? At home I never mention this sure its old news" they agreed and 3 pairs of eyes fell on Garry who was unusually quiet "will you be showin us how the Vikings dance if they can" he blinked and shrugged conversation was the last thing he wanted "just give me peace huh I'm not havin you lot takin the piss out of my heritage if you want to learn go to f.ckin Scandinavia!" Anja put an arm around him but he pushed her away "you wont get around me pal and blood is thicker" he shoved his way out of the huddle and headed for the door a bitter wind was howling out of the N.E and blowing the snow into huge drifts their trip to An Teallach was all but over "man hang on it's dangerous don't be stupid!" Garry gave his friend a filthy look and hauled on his jacket Andy stood up and as with Dougie he refused to move "I'm with the Ullapool Mountain Rescue and Im telling you now if you go out there you risk going snow blind, or breaking a limb or 2, if you insist I'll belay you to something heavy until you come to your senses and we're all getting cabin fever".
Garry was furious he badly needed a breath of fresh air to clear his head the hostility was growing and there had been some cruel and ignorant remarks aimed at Dougie who had ignored the provocation he was getting used to dealing with insecurity "M.R hmm I doubt it pal why so far from base on a night like this hmm there's always some eejit who thinks he's immortal" that remark got Dougie's attention but he smiled and ordered dinner "after this we'll show them right darlin we'll dance until we'er shattered..an as there's a few English hidin up the back we've an added incentive" she grinned and her blue eyes were alive with mischief "are you getting me in trouble Irish" Andy hadn't moved and at 6ft 4+ He wouldn't be easy to shift "aw sure now only if you ask"
Andy heard sniggering from the back and whispered to Garry "I've had it with those cretins what do you think about having a word their overgrown children who cant handle bein around your pal" he nodded and handed his jacket to John at 6ft 1 and 13 stone Garry wasnt small Andy however could have passed for a rugby player but his challenge was deceptively polite "lads we would like to make you an offer either you own up to laughing behind your hands at Dougie or we'll haul your ignorant childish arses outside and teach you a lesson we'll give you 5 minutes to think it over to allow for your maturity deficit" the audience were impatient for the decision some were eager for a fight "I think they've had long enough to decide" Garry looked at his watch while keeping 1 eye on his intended victim "and as the answer was a cowardly no ...hmmm I'm ready for some fresh air big lad how about yourself"
Andy moved behind the taller one and wrenched his arm behind his back the climber swore for help but none of his friends were keen Garry made his hold secure with a length of discarded rope and hustled the Englishman towards the door "you are about to learn some manners PAL" Andy winked at Dougie and strode towards the door then Garry answered back eh listen Mr M.R what about the conditions hmmm? And your well informed warnin I'd hate to be sued for this" the big climber didn't answer and as Dougie hauled open the door he smiled and tried to hide his resentment he would have risked everything to be involved "hey your not getting out of it Paddy we'll need your wheels for a while...if that's ok" "aye eh right now or ..man I dread to think of the state he'll be in" the Englishman looked at Dougie with absolute dislike and his quick wit evaporated "I think your man here should choose their fate how about it" Garry's victim squirmed and he tightened the knot "she held my weight on K2 so you've no chance mate"
"hmmm I think.... now don't any of you nutters get the wrong idea but I think you oughta strip the eejits an set them loose out there, then you could strap them in to this for say an hour, an eh I happen to know they've not been to the gents for quite some time" Andy laughed and they carried out the punishment stripping the prisoners was not easy as they fought to avoid the humiliation but against 2 very strong and fit climbers there was no escape.John joined in and Anja who couldn't resist she dodged several angry kicks but did manage to tear off a pair of trousers which she threatened to set on fire Billy watched as the "joke" degenerated in to chaos "ohh come on lads that's enough you've made your point" they took no notice and finally the prisoners were half dressed "ah ha! Man I'm not kiddin it's like the north pole out there are you ready"
they shoved the 2 out in to the lethal snow with the wind chill the temperature was -20.
The Scottish audience was enjoying their suffering the wind had increased to a strong gale and it was almost impossible to keep track of the Englishmen Andy and Garry were not about to release them until they had an honest apology he shouted above the wind and stinging snow "are you fella's shiverin yet! Hmmm? Its too.... bloody..... warm down... south!" There was an incoherent reply and he was amazed they were still conscious "this is mad I'm meant to be rescuing these feckers not trying to kill them" Andy persuaded his accomplice to "give it up" with the promise of a free pint Garry had been checking with Dougie every so often and he was excited but anxious,{ no one deserves this kind of punishment} "let em in before some bugger dies I don't want their deaths on my hands...anyway the cold does more damage than their aware of"
A group of climbers went to find the 1/2 frozen prisoners they were shivering, but also showing the 1st signs of exposure "I'm sorry lads we forgot how bad the winters can be up here its normally very warm" Andy hauled 1 to the fire where he collapsed on to a chair beside Dougie who was smoking and gloating "I've the same problem 5 minutes out there an I'm fallin over.." he patted him on the head and piled on the patronising tone with a shovel "still you'll be grand soon you poor sod" Billy had made a large pot of tea however the men couldn't hold the mugs due to violent spasms of shivering but Garry was on the ball as usual, when he'd tied his victim to a chair, he went to the bar and borrowed a straw "here this il help eh I wont fall to your level by yellin the same insult you repeatedly used on Dougie but you'll get the same...care..tell me where I'm goin wrong pal..oi! Paddy" Dougie was busy smooching with Anja they were also discussing burning the Englishman's clothes "that will make the fire go yes and hmm they will go back home to think again"
John was standing back he'd been worried about this when he'd seen his friends "go the whole hog" "Feck! I'm in a bothy miles from anywhere with a crowd of headcases and your the worst Olaf,every rumour I ever doubted about the Vikings is true" Garry grinned and raised his pint as he helped the defrosting climber drink "yes and we're also well coordinated as you can see unlike this eejit" Dougie had moved to a quieter area to get away from unpleasant memories he'd seen a 20yr old man trapped in an immobile body being helped to eat and drink . Anja followed she'd seen that look in his eyes "you remember too much yes too easy so does Andre you should meet he'd like you" the invitation sounded so casual and for moment he was suspicious {does she see this potential relationship as nothing more than a game!} "This il... as he's only 18 I'll feel bad you know because the life he shoulda had is over,an he's seein it all fadin to a blur in another direction, its almost like goin blind you can see what you want it's just all out of focus"
As she sipped the cool ale and thought over his description the rest of her mind occupied itself with the fear of losing him "....That's a good hmmm idea yes...ahh the wrong word hmm Andre would say yes to that" Dougie wanted to ask about the extent of his paralysis to prepare himself if they ever did meet, he lit up and arranged and rearranged the question in his mind "....you don't need to say but how bad is he...you know is it from the waist or higher" Anja bit her lip and stared out the window the minutes stretched until he couldn't bear the suspense and her pain "I'm sorry eh come here I won't ask again" she cleared her throat and said "his neck was snapped....its from his shoulders down" Dougie held her and hoped that he would be able to cope with meeting this guy.
A shout interrupted their hug as Andy came over and politely asked "Dougie can I please have a loan of your chair you said an hour is that ok" he had been waiting for this "of course you can Andrew but eh take good care of her an don't let that bampot piss all over the seat" they laughed and Anja hid her tears behind the admiration she felt for this cheeky Irishman, had she mistaken it for love "right numpty your in for a treat tonight see I've been in an out a that damned toilet all feckin day an you must have the capacity of an elephant either that or your bag's about to burst"
He found a stable seat and slid across the Englishman was uncomfortable with this and Garry maintained eye contact as he looked elsewhere "what's the craic eh you've seen him before and I have to say that was the smoothest transfer yet pal" "cheers now if you apologise and stop callin me a spaz which I'm clearly not then we'll call it quits if you can't bring yourself to be a man about this then you'll end up pissin yourself in a wheelchair, an John here il take pictures which we'll post on the internet" Andy smiled wickedly and Garry couldn't wait to begin "he's very reluctant eh ok let's not piss about here sorry pal..get in an eh make yourself at home..would you like a pint or no perhaps not...".
He had 1 more trick to play "ah ah no you'll do it as I do lift em come on we've not got all night" this was cruel but Dougie wanted to leave this guy with a lasting reminder "now hmm bloody hopeless alright now your a stubborn f.cker so we'er expectin results..Garry if you would" he appeared with a pint and a 1/2 of Fraoch,his blue eyes were alive with evil intent and focused on the trapped protesting Englishman "I am not drinking and you will be hearing from my lawyer" Garry dropped a straw in to the ale and rammed it in his mouth as he was about to complain "thank feck ahh John Anja Andy Olaf cheers guys I wont forget this your incredible particularly you big fella I've never met anyone who's accepted me so quickly your a star" they shook hands and everyone cheered "well paraplegia isnt really new to me I've a cousin with Spina Bifida so he taught me"
"Sure we've an expert..." the prisoner wriggled he really had to relieve himself "are you alright there pal eh just say if you need her" Dougie sat back and finished his cigarette "I'm fine for now eh by the way have we had dinner" the climbers conferred and Billy laughed at their confusion "there's a name for that next you'll be sitting there wondering if you've inadvertently eaten your boots I'll be serving in a minute" they sat down and drank to ease their hunger "ohh man the last time this happened we blamed it on the altitude" "how high hmm? Come on brag a little" Andy was grinning and feeling no pain "eh no it's just a hill" he woke up and disagreed "oh no K2 is NOT just a hill I've trekked to base camp and the f.cking thing scared the daylights outta me from 5 miles away!" Dougie groaned "they'll be engrossed in mountains this il go on for hours" fortunately Billy arrived with big plates of stew "you need to eat pal ok but good on you"